The World's Blankiest Blank

ahahaha i lost the password to my livejournal, and i didn't even think of doing a password reset until... like, now.

i'm back in ABQ, working at Starbucks (I40/San Mateo), taking classes (Phil156/BellyDance), generally being very tired and reclusive and awkward all the time. rock!

one day: real entries.

oh, why hello Vox!  i'd almost forgotten about you.
let's see, now.  how to begin.

Originally posted on estrellada.vox.com

Things that hold my interest lately:

Spunk. Mmmhmm.
Carmax. I'm looking for a car, irrationally. I would like one, anyway, though the possibilities for me getting one are slim, even if it is a slightly inexpensive one. Ideally, I'd like an older Honda CRV, or a new Honda Fit. They're fierce and cheap.
Vox. Oooh if I could get people to join this, it would completely extinguish the need for multiple websites on which to... do stuff. It's MySpace, LiveJournal, DeviantART, Photobucket, YouTube, and fucking everything in one! I love it.
AK Press. If I could afford to buy more [anarcho]books, I would.
CrimethInc.. ... but these people took my [anarcho]book money! I finished Days of War, Nights of Love some time ago, but I'm reading it again because I'm using it for my comic project -- I abandoned my original idea. Whatevs.
Palahniuk's Writing Workshop. Best. Writing Resource. Ever!


Really, I need to write an entry... a real one. Not just excuses for one.
( Until then, this is the [MySpace] blog I wrote about the first half of my Spring Break: )

You can tell I grew progressively more tired as I wrote that, haha.

( And an extension, in which I get a little sappy and weird. I also consider these events retrospectfully, for lack of a better word? )

Now I'm tired and sad.

I slept twelve hours last night, not my usual four. I shouldn't be allowed to be tired.

¡¡TENGO HAMBRE MUCHO TODO DIA!! ¿¿POR QUE??

( I can be brown, I can be blue, I can be Violet Sky. )
But tell us how you're really feeling.

i worked out at fitness loft east for the first time today and it was fantastic!

i weighed myself afterwards, and it said 133.

i am dubious.

there is a pound of chocolate sitting on my desk. it belongs to Alex, but he doesn't want to eat it because he's sooo fat, and knowing him, he would just sit down and eat it all at once. so he gave it to Theresa to hide. and she gave it to me. since i don't eat chocolate. i'm the only one not likely to just take it and eat it.


i finally did my laundry, four machines worth.




i feel like things should be coming together, and they have been - particularly academically.





but i feel like i'm unraveling at the seams.
my skin is falling apart, away, bit by bit by molecule by atom by nucleus by proton.

( Storybook Life )

one day, remind me to tell you about everything.

( A Question, by ____ )

i learned to swing dance.
i danced once in two hours. badly.
i [re]learned social rejection.
i made a friend. Cory.
i [re]learned social rejection.
i learned i am forgettable.
i [re]learned i am forgettable.
i wrote something.
i [re]learned disappointment.

Kara's Asshole Quote o' The Day
"This is actually reassuring, because I thought you got raped or somebody died."

Worst. Morning. Ever.

I woke up whereabouts 8:10, when Theresa came back. Two seconds later, no exaggeration, my alarm went off. I turned it off, and sat very still for about six minutes. I took a shower. I got dressed, mussed my hair, and sat down to check my email. I put my contacts in. I realized around nine, I'm running short on time. I put on some eyeliner while I cooked Malt-o-Meal in the microwave. I left it in too long, and it burned. On the way to trash can, I dropped the bowl. Malt-o-Meal fucking everywhere. On my desk, shoes, carpet, walls. I screamed and made a quick effort in cleaning it up with dry paper towels, and had some success. Grab a Luna bar (which I don't eat), and run. Realize, this happened all in about ten minutes.

This was all just insult to injury. I hate being rushed. I hate feeling like I don't have enough time to do everything I need to. It stresses me out more than anything. So previous to the Malt-o-Meal incident, I was already freaking out.

In Creative Writing, I made a jackass of myself. This isn't unusual, just upsetting. My contacts started to bother me ten minutes in, and so I was blinking constantly and playing with my eyes. I didn't read like I should have, so my comments were easily shot down and explained by someone smarter than me. I had such a hard time doing the writing exercise last night because I don't remember my childhood, so the whole paper was very formal and essay-like and wholly uncreative. I hated it, but it's all I could do last minute and with no memory, so I turned it in. I left feeling a little better because I can do this week's assignment, and do it well, hopefully.

Upon my return to N30, I decide to eat some cereal, because it requires little preperation. Of course, in the process of getting my Cheerios, I spill them all over - in the dresser drawers, all over the floor. The cereal was unsatisfying, soggy, and gross. The whole room smells like burnt Malt-o-Meal, and it makes me nauseous.

I just want to cry for a while, read Watership Down, and take a nap.

Uuggghhhghhghh.

Supposedly, when you're fluent in a language, you'll start dreaming in it. But I am far from fluent in Spanish, and yet I'm still dreaming in it? Except, I'm only dreaming in the words I know, so nothing makes any sense!

Me gusta hablar español.

I want to give Shannon a hug from 1,233 miles away.

Also, why is it that I can't write or draw when it's necessary for me to do so? I can write pages of nonsense, but once I'm supposed to write a personal narrative of my first childhood memory, it's absolutely impossible. It's extremely frustrating.

I do like waking up early though. This means I can get things done today, since I haven't done anything in about a week. Seriously. The plan so far includes venturing to the Co-Op, CVS, The Student Involvement Fair, and my research study. Yeah! Research credit! I get to sit around a take a survey about moodiness. I'm a fucking expert on moodiness.

I also have the intention of cutting my hair. WHAAAAT? You heard me. This mess has to be fixed by someone who knows what they're doing.



Really, this entry serves no purpose. I was just online, and I wanted to do something to kill time until ten-ish.

Things Kara has spent money she doesn't have on:

Conversations: Readings for Writings $45
Avenidas: A Journey in Spanish $80
Avenidas: A Journey in Spanish Workbook $65
Psychology: The Science of Mind and Behavior $82
CPS/RF by EInstruction $22
Registering this... Device $15
Misc. Supplies ~$20
An Anthology of Graphic Fiction $30
Making Comics $22
Best American Comics 2006 $28

Total: $410. Roughly.

WAY TO MAKE ME POOR, SCHOOL.

What makes it worse is that I'm restricted from charging on my ID (so it shows up on my UBill) because I haven't paid my bill for this semester... But it isn't due for another week. So I guess i don't understand WHY I am restricted... But I paid the minimum amount due today, so hopefully, it should start working tomorrow. If not... Shit.

It's really nice to be back into a structured routine, though. Oooh so nice.

the playlist below can also be referred to as "driving at night and crying the whole way home".

everything hurts.

i haven't cried so much... ever. and i don't really understand why. i'm not upset to return to school, i'm just upset to leave home.

it was a badly timed break, i suppose. it gave me enough time to forget i had to leave and to realize why i should stay.

( The I'm-So-Happy-I'm-Sad Playlist )

Rest assured, I am happy. I am so, so happy. I am loved and educated and provided for and cared about and home and rested and restless and balanced. To explain, I give you Kimya Dawson:

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road, turn out the lights, get out and look up at the sky
And I do this to remind me that I'm really, really tiny
In the grand scheme of things and sometimes this terrifies me

But it's only really scary cause it makes me feel serene
In a way I never thought I'd be because I've never been
So grounded, and so humbled, and so one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

You know, as of this moment, the only person that could possibly be reading this is Tony. And I'm not even sure he is. Hi Tony!

( Children, Birth Control, 'The Talk,' And Video Games. )

( WHY AM I SO FUCKING EMO? )

Chris: Girls at my work are all about it, and are too paranoid to ever take anyone off their top 8 for fear that it will hurt others feelings.
No, Kara: That's why I don't have one. I moved people around once, and everyone flipped out. So I just deleted it.
Chris: So now all these work people have each other in their top 8's when they don't ever see each other outside of work, just because they don't want to make a coworker mad.
No, Kara: That's hilarious and sad.